The Adventures of Fat Ass and Chimpy, Part 10: A New Normal

Four mornings a week, I pack a sports bag with my workout shoes and gym clothes and bring it into work with me. Around 4:00, “comfy clothes hour” commences – I dart into the bathroom and spend the rest of the work day in yoga pants. I carb up on cantaloupe and blueberries. As soon as the work day is over, I make my way over to Chimpy’s.


Three of the four days, I’m on my own. I’ve either texted Chimpy ahead of time to get a workout from him or, as I get more comfortable, I make up my own workout based on the many exercises he’s shown me. Chimpy’s usually there, working with another client.

For one precious hour a week, Chimpy is all mine. We practice old exercises, learn new ones, talk about our very limited existence on this teeny tiny speck of the Universe. Simple stuff like that.


I see Dr. Fat Ass every couple of weeks. He puts my body and my mind back in alignment, because both of those things still tend to get a little out of whack every fourteen days or so. My body absolutely positively craves those adjustments.

If my life were a stock car race, Dr. Fat Ass would be the pit crew, and Chimpy would be the coach talking to me through my headset, reminding me of my game plan and strategy.

They’re helping me cross the finish line.

In my spare time, I find myself doing things like playing on playgrounds. Eating vegetables and protein and that’s it. Arm wrestling with Sous Chef and almost winning. Feeling better in my own skin.


My dad brought me fried Oreos from the county fair the other day, and for the first time in a long time, it was real treat. I knew I could eat them, and truly enjoy – no, savor – them, and then go right back into what has become the New Normal:

Me: Healthy. Fit. Happy.

Nights of pasta and cream sauce are rare now. I hardly ever go a day without some sort of workout/physical activity. I feel more at home in a sports bra than in high heels (which are terrible for your back anyway, so it’s a win-win).

my new favorite place

I’m chipping away at years of mistreating myself: physically, mentally, spiritually. And thanks to Fat Ass and Chimpy – Allen and Josh – for the first time in a very, very long time, I’m seeing the very beginnings of who I was meant to be all along.





Thanks, guys. From the bottom of my ever-strengthening heart.